I'm watching The Breakfast Club. I have a fascination with Molly Ringwald, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Silent Reader, where was your advice yesterday? :) I went out with John. I went out with him innocently, just wanting to catch up. We went to Logan's Road House. He told me I looked pretty, which I was, so that was okay. He asked me about any boyfriends or guys I've dated since we've broken up. He told me about the one girl he dated and why it didn't work out. Before I left his house in the mornings, I'd write him notes and put them in random places so when he got home and opened up his fridge, there would be a note on his gallon milk, or in his medicine cabinet, or under his pillow, of wherever else. He said the other day he found all the notes. He kept them, all of them. He said he thought to himself "Man, this girl must have really really liked me." And just the way he said it, he looked so sad. The only thing I said was "yes, I did really like you." Then I changed the subject. Then we drove around and ended up in Kentucky along the river. We parked at a boat dock and opened up all the windows and the sunroof in his truck and just sat there with our seats laid back. And he brought up our breakup again. He said he didn't really understand what his problems was then. He said he was stupid for not being able to get over the little things that happened. I didn't say anything. I kept my mouth shut, just nodded or shook my head when it was appropriate.
I would have married him. I would have had his children, given up the career I would have had, moved to Booneville and lived happily ever after. I probably would have ended up teaching at the high school while he worked the railroad, had the cute little pickett fence and the whole nine yards.
So the problem? He and I are possibly back together. I don't want to make the decision between him and John because either way I'll always wonder "What if?" What do I really want? Somebody tell me, because I sure as hell don't have a clue.
[My apartment looks empty, and that's sad. Good memories in this place...]
