Monday, February 13, 2006
I hate looking on USI Facebook. I look at all my high school friend's photos and realize how little of a college experience I've actually had. I met and fell in love with the man that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with first semester freshman year. I never got to have the experience of going out on a really bad date (ok...so that's not so bad). I alienated all my friends when I moved out of the dorms and into my own apartment. I don't have pictures depicting tons of fun with "the girls," or random play after hours in my dorm room. I'm not involved in any clubs. I'm so busy that I only get to play with my remaining friends once a week. And things are only going to get worse from here.
I'm not complaining about the life I have now. I love Andrew and I love our new family and I wouldn't give that up for the world. I am, however, mourning of the loss of the life I never had because of choices I have made in the past. I hardly speak to any of my high school friends from Winamac anymore, the people I used to push into lockers, write notes to, spend the night at houses with, sneak out in the middle of the night with, and the people I used to base my day-to-day life on. I've been alienated from the Basement Folk because of a bad decision made almost a year ago. I just feel rejected, lonely, and just generally down in the dumps. Andrew works third shifts now and I hardly get to see him anymore. Sure, the money is really nice and he's enjoying it, but it's still real lonely. I don't like working at StarBucks as much as I hoped I would. Maybe I'm done with Evansville. Maybe now is a good time to move on somewhere new and start over again. Columbus is looking better and better everyday. Do I need to start over? Or is this my way of running away from anything that could possibly hurt me? I'm tired of alienating myself from my friends and my friends from myself.
Blach. That's all I have to say about that.
|| The Laugh Whore blogged off at ||
12:08 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
